Ever heard of them that can become so jealous in their behaviour toward you that dare you mention abuse or your feelings from their abuse anything said or done will only ever be ruinous to the point of to have any compassion or understanding for someone who had become so poisoned it eventually becomes safer to show yourself as feeling nothing for them at all, it is an unimaginable state of relationship to ever have to face
I wake up gratefully in what feels like a dual heartbreak. The impossibility of love reminds me of where my life first began
As I wake thankful and grateful for my life I feel like my head is in a bind and turn to cleansing meditations for a sick home to cleanse the water and to clean and protect the third eye psychically
I never grew up knowing or understanding anything about third eye, the chakra system, meditation despite going to church and learning to pray. The first worldly thing that captured my imagination as an alternative form of guidance other than the God and the Bible was astrology and astrologers. I lived in years of guilt and fear as I became hooked on their guidance beginning the journey from child rape survivor into a woman hoping to find love not realising all I will eventually do is meet no mutual love at all. Passing fancy. Forced proclamations of Love but in the true sense of it all nothing except the greatest love of all that I too found within me and Motherhood
I didn't realise that in deciding to share my inner world thoughts and feelings that work would be listed as critical. It certainly is not how I see myself or what I do but I woke on the afternoon somehow feeling like I had broke new ground
Women become men to fulfil themselves or for the varying reasons necessary some sadly so they can continue the abuse against women and vice versa though this is not fully true or comprehensive it comes to me again and again even though I would prefer to find alternative breakthroughs from an ongoing truth of abuse I don't quite know what including that here is supposed to be about, or do if anything at all
That world which says its all on you
That diagnosis which says it must be you
Because those who suffer from it are too weak to release you or be truly released or free
The guilt of someone who could do nothing more than try to use me and keep me trapped in their need to distract from what really creates happy
The years of someone elses innate fear that made sure they were here there and everywhere to make sure there was no one else I could tell or nowhere I could go to escape their guilty need for control
It has been an all out terror of those screaming the truth on an everyday wage which cannot compare to the investment made to silence those screams till they dissipate, all of this has never just been about me you suffer if you cannot love or heal though it may not seem so in the presence of the ego and its bravardo
Underneath for those of us who continue to live normally adjusting to what circumstances maybe we understanding that is what true freedom and bliss even as we are forced to watch the plans of cruelty and wickedness trying to be free without any independence of you and me
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Natural Flowism
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A Freedom of Being!
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