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  <a href="/blog-house/blog/6777366/to-catch-a-little-cloud-expressionisn-therapy">To Catch a Little Cloud - Expressionisn Therapy!</a>&nbsp;
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</div><div>To Catch a Little Cloud – Expressionism Therapy!</div><div>Waking up and Writing Poetry upon Waking!</div><div>(Punctuate as you see fit!)</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>The sky is blue and I feel like I miss you!</div><div>Love has been long gone because demon Mommy and Daddy had their fun</div><div>So far apart</div><div>Love has become like a poison chant </div><div>Whilst nature continues to pound away at our hearts so love can still play a part in the chain of events where so much hate was raised to rain on each and every refrain!</div><div>^</div><div>To ask another question today feels like it will exhaust the brain</div><div>^</div><div>But the skies are blue and i think of you</div><div>God only knows who!</div><div>If skies weren't blue would i still think of you?</div><div>To have kept a note of you for so many years</div><div>Cannot confirm that be for love</div><div>But maybe more for a symbol of all that went wrong</div><div>It can take a full entire life time to out live what abusers did, and have done!</div><div>^</div><div>Society, whatever that is...still hasn't fully clocked on to the extent of what has gone on</div><div>^</div><div>When getting on with what needs to be done on an everyday practical level</div><div>Who has time to manipulate others?</div><div>^</div><div>Who or what....</div><div>....makes the time to fear people who may potentially meet or even fall or grow to love each other by  first becoming possible acquaintances, friends, business partners...or then as a result of all that maybe...just maybe they might keep growing toward  becoming lovers, life partners....and then....possibly within that...they might find that they may have created a spiritual partnership type bond....who has the time or mental devices which will seek to manipulate such a hate that will work so hard to keep people so far apart...?</div><div>^</div><div>With a sky so beautiful and blue changing in each moment no matter what we say or do</div><div>Does it matter the hue of blue...</div><div>As the white clouds fade into the blue sky another change has been made as more time goes by marked and faded by sun kissed natural light</div><div>^</div><div>As love investigations never fade nothing stops for now</div><div>Because demon mommy and daddy have already had their fun </div><div>As blue skies are created after the hazy colour palette of morning dew as the sunrises to create a day where the sky produces so many subtle shades of different blues</div><div>^</div><div>So why ask why and have so many questions of why</div><div>Why can't you write something that is not questioning of why Especially, when there is love is there an undercurrent fear of something which has or is wrong the heartbreak of the unsaid or not done, if true of anything or anyone?</div><div>^</div><div>What it is to live know and feel your love is never wrong nor does it hurt anyone...but the dis-ease or disordered your intention of good in Love has become mangled with has made all your feelings and attempts to love someone go so wrong that your supposed feelings of love  hurt you and potentially anyone or everyone around you!<br>
</div><div>^</div><div>Your intention of a soft and tender touch sold out and bought outright and taken out by whatever drove you to violence!</div><div>^</div><div>To be held and made love to all night long again has sold you out taken out and away from you because of the lust you refused!</div><div>^</div><div>Your capacity and ability to love anyone unconditionally making you completely appreciated by the wife husband or partner you would choose destroyed by spite and jealousy caused by untold or undiscovered injuries or damages which have costed you with years of inabilities, and misdirected needs for intimacy!</div><div>^</div><div>Nothing retrained</div><div>Nothing changed</div><div>Bitterness for years on end</div><div>Unhappy people</div><div>Too many unhappy people</div><div>Too many dis-eases in a life time where so much good and opportunity is missed because too many heads remain lost in sickness, and disease!</div><div>^</div><div><br></div><div>The grey skies</div><div>That follow blues skies</div><div>Which leave so many moaning and groaning about love lost </div><div>^</div><div>Bravery </div><div>or </div><div>Depravity</div><div>How to move on?</div><div>How will you get on if Your next relationship requires no game?</div><div>No mind game</div><div>No strategy</div><div>No game plan</div><div>No: if she does this I'll do that</div><div>If he does this I’ll out wit him like that</div><div>A disastrous cycle that will never end </div><div>Under a beautiful bright blue sky where problems seem so far a way till a dull and gloomy day where if love required just the two of you to be honest and true without a game plan or masked plan of ill or bad intentions which will destroy the very essence of true intimacy and breed discontent which clings rather than stays together, how will you move on?</div><div>^</div><div>After the rain is the rainbow and yes....all the other clichè's follow eventually behind all grey skies blue skies follow  </div><div>Loves has its ups and downs but why can't love just last by always being kind and mellow without highs or lows?</div><div>^</div><div>Love is built before love becomes </div><div>Love doesn't hurt but the disorder and illnessess projected or injected into love does!</div><div>^</div><div>There is no need to let go </div><div>But why cling to dirt</div><div>Etiquette teaches how do you do?</div><div>So why does my mind ask: who the fuck are you?</div><div>^</div><div>As blue skies become even more blue as the Sun deepens and brightens the colour hue</div><div>Too angry for Love</div><div>Always on edge</div><div>Not willing to budge</div><div>Your mind's making fudge but what love really wants is love </div><div>But...</div><div>...you find someone weak and unable to resist being made to blame but who is faithful and dutiful but yet you still complain all the same . Because, now you are stuck in resentment for the choice you made...instead of fixing your head so your true ability to love someone you really want won't be stuck under the abuse or injurt you suffered which created your own ignorance and vulnerability of someone feeling hatred whilst trying to make it pass for love!</div><div>^</div><div>Under these pretty clear blue skies where clouds only show up in part of the beautiful clear blue skies!</div><div>^</div><div>Created and Inspired a Blue Sky Day in Scotland!</div><div>^</div><div>Natural Flowism</div><div>^</div><div>A Freedom of Being!</div><div>^</div><div>#laviniadeayr</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div> </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div> </div><div> </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div></div>
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    <p class="post-info"><span data-time="2021-10-15T18:29:00+01:00" title="15 October, 2021 18:29">15/10/2021</span></p>

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  <div class="message"><div>Post Examination!</div><div>Give a Stalker back their Life before they Take a Life?</div><div>So Lavinia...during this interview we will attempt to tie up loose ends and then tackle the main bane subject matter. </div><div>Does it begin with nosiness? I just had a feeling you would have more to say on the matter...what exactly did you mean about predictive nosiness?</div><div>Lavinia: seems like its back to the days of I know what you are going to do next....rolled out and more widespread from on generation to the next?</div><div>...and that feels like what though...what  is it like exactly to have someone treat you like that...and to see someone locked into wasting there own time doing that to you?</div><div>Lavinia: dear God to be the focus of someone so obsessed with you that they spend, spend, spend....spend the time to recreate the reflection to prove they knew...every choice I would make? My mind my internal private ways has to be externally attacked day after day.</div><div>Is it also hard because you don’t seem to be able to resolve who or what it is?</div><div>Lavinia: yes you can only hope such a person will wear themselves out! As some stalkers do. Triggers do stop and some can naturally heal and move on. </div><div>Is that why you turned the phrase give a stalker back their life before they take a life?</div><div>Lavinia: It refers only to where possible. I acknowledge and recognize it is a very blanket bold and potentially dangerous statement to make!  There are a myriad of reasons  why a person gets triggered into the behaviour pattern...despite their bravado and fear they go onto cause...it is an incredibly sad state to see someone disintegrate into given the power of the human psyche and intellect and all that it can accomplish!</div><div>Yes! That is very true. If you put a stalker up against a high achiever it could look very different.</div><div>Lavinia: The thing is stalkers are also high functioning achievers, and that is part of the big and costly problem each and stalker is, and has been because a stalker legacy of damage lasts life times. Generation after generations is continually affected by either jeep up the behaviour, or by beíng forced to continually foot the bill for those who continue a stalkers legacy!  They are not all bums on the street. I was only describing one description. What we must be educated about is every variant of each individual who suffers from that need to have so much control....</div><div>Variant?</div><div>Lavinia: scenarios maybe a better description. How many ways can we foresee and teach and understand the traps a stalker natural sets. As early as a school child i remember being unsettled by someone. But i could not articulate it as feeling or being stalked. I would have said bullied but not stalked. Which would have meant something different not a life time of  being pursued, accused, spited, sleighted, picked on, put down, and then left with the bill each and every time. Psychological, mentally, physically, and financially. Not just me remember this all my family one way or the other has been affected by stalking or have had to react to it somehow whether they even realise it or not! The “dis-ease of each stalker never just affects their primary target it splinters and exploded into every inch and micro part of society. So...why ignore it? Somebody is too scared somewhere true or false? Is it because some people find the behaviour lucrative? If so, who?</div><div>Oooooh...doesn't stalking still come down to one thing...the same thing their need for attention ends up becoming unwanted attention?</div><div><br></div><div>Lavinia: whilst we're not paying attention...but the sad thing is paying attention and observing others is a natural part of life. Human beings learn from animals and each other, and of course many other things! The extent may act as a division...as to our observation or attention affecting others in such a way as wanted and unwanted! But i tell you what in all of this for far too long “society” “social causes" and worse yet politics have been allowed to “treat" deeply rooted medical and clinical brain health issues...</div><div> </div><div><br></div></div>
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</article>  <article class="post blog-article full-item post-full" data-controller="zoogle-video" data-action="message@window-&gt;zoogle-video#handleVimeoPostMessage">
    
<h2 class="heading-secondary heading-blog alt-font">
  <a href="/blog-house/blog/6765469/should-she-have-published-her-private-works-q-a">Should She Have Published Her Private Works? Q&amp;A</a>&nbsp;
</h2>

<div class="post">
  <div class="message"><!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Should I<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>Have Published my Private Works?<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Q&amp;A<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Good Morning, Lavinia lets get started. You had quite an out pouring over the weekend what was going on there? Was it planned?<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Lavinia: No… actually not all was planned…..some of it was!<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">So….it was more about just releasing trauma? Stress?<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Lavinia: Yes, it really was it just flows out because I’m open to it<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Why take so much time to write so much with a book unfinished?<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Lavinia: I do not want the book to get too bog down or distracted by this stuff. Whilst even with the book I have most of the direction by now. I just wasn’t completely ready to delve into it despite protestations. <p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">….and unfinished?<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Lavinia: it allows the reader to see my state of mind. What I observe…what I leave behind…for me it is the bravery? Courage? The strength to be as I am with no pretense!<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">…and that is important to you is….why so?<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Lavinia: because abuse lies!<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Ok we’ll be back with Lavinia later….Lavinia publish will you…ta!<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Welcome back to this Q&amp;A session with Artist Poet Owner and Founder of Natural Flowism Ltd Lavinia De Ayr! <p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Should you have Published your own Private Works?<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Lavinia: Umm…for me…I was in a fix…this wasn’t just about being followed down the road. This was or at least felt like a second time around stalkers campaign…<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">…or was it…considering…do you not think by now somebody else had surfaced who unbeknowest to you may have been botheration to you all along?<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Lavinia: I do wonder that now. I also wonder why I would yet again have to be and feel abused as a result? And in fact by last night…<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">…the third of October twenty - <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>twenty one…<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Lavinia:<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>…I had come to the conclusion that all this surround sound so to speak has everything to do with the original stalker. The level of possessiveness. Once it gets to the stage where a stalker gains enough access to their target that they can organize everyone’s conversation around them…and worst of all almost control things to the point….if true of course….but if a stalker is so dangerous and many of them are that they can energetically manipulate negative energy toward two people deliberately pitting them against each other…<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">…is this referring to the Friday argument? What do think the significance of segmented fruit is?<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Lavinia: yeah….mmm….i used to find it really strange when it was really intense that almost every Friday there was something done to affect energy that would bring about an argument of some sort. But, for some reason I also knew it was all very suspicious….<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US"><p> </p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">…in what years that particular antic so intense do you remember when?<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US"><p> </p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Lavinia: ….during 2009 toward about 2012ish. But once I began to realise what was being done I tried my best to abate any conflict. What I still hadn’t learnt was enough about energy being deliberately being projected in toward you or about beíng used or more likely abused as a gauge or barometer of sorts!<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Hmmmm…segmented fruit?<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US"><p> </p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Lavinia:…mmmm….the only thing I have been thinking about recently is….if you look at a company through a “pie” chart. If you analyze each segment and find that the area <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>of employment shown in the “pie” chart is the smallest…the thinniest slice does that signify exploitation of a work force? Which nay result in Poorly performing work force?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>Does it signify an abusive/sick minded leader? Or does it signify a lack of experience and know how in leadership? Or poor quality produce or in other <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>areas of a business or even a country as a whole?<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">So…from what you are asking I dare to presume is how clear is the evidence of abuse and human rights issues in the face of possible abuse? How much ready evidence is being ignored?<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">When we come back Lavinia will answer more questions about decision to publish her private works!<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Welcome Back!<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Lavinia, lets talk about how you feel about the reaction to your work…do you think or know about the feedback from others? How has it been since turning yourself into a self – publishing author and editor?<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Lavinia: ….Hmmm….its has been strenuous to say the least. My Attention Deficit Disorder has surfaced that’s for sure. Yet, overall, the experience has been cathartic…I wouldn’t be without it.<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Hmmmm….<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Lavinia: I think more recently another wave of reaction has been stirred with further abusive and more over queries. What looks like some very abusive characters with little decorum about them. <p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US"><p> </p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Ooops! Your writings ended yesterday with diary entries as you caught up on weeks gone by. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>What was your study behind those works?<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US"><p> </p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Lavinia: ummm….there has a change in the “tone” so to speak of what has been going on.<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">As the artist and poet what are you finding in that “tone” so to speak especially as a writer of ‘abuse in a family context’ and of ‘stalking’ does your choice of subject affect the reaction toward you? What do you think?<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US"><p> </p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Lavinia: right out the gate a big Yes! Subject choice is a major factor in how you will be received! Think about it….there will never be a right time or thing to say when it comes to a stalker or an abuser in your family often the two overlap. So, how popular can you become. You can’t and will never be loved or popular if you are from a family of abusers who cannot get well soon or get better full stop! Spite is one of the longest running forms of abuse from either side. I am still struggling with myself on a moment to moment basis whilst under attack not to react or retaliate in spite even whilst being “spited”.<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Have relationships been affected or destroyed out right?<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Lavinia: trust me I don’t even want to go there because nothing is pure! <p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">What on earth do you mean by that?<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Lavinia: All I can say is: <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>in any abusive or conflict situation every human is better off learning the difference between a pure and true loving bond and trauma bonding?<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Oh…I get it. So it is to grow in the awareness to know when you are forming a bond with someone of your own choice rather with someone due to an enforced situation. So try and get to know yourself better and choose rather than presume?<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Lavinia: Yes. That is what I meant by nothing is pure!<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Thank you for staying with us. We will regroup and return at a later point in time!<p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US"><p> </p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US"><p> </p></span>Should I  Have Published my Private Works?</p><p class="MsoNormal">Q&amp;A</p><p class="MsoNormal">Good Morning, Lavinia lets get started. You had quite an out pouring over the weekend what was going on there? Was it planned?</p><p class="MsoNormal">Lavinia: No… actually not all was planned…..some of it was!</p><p class="MsoNormal">So….it was more about just releasing trauma? Stress?</p><p class="MsoNormal">Lavinia: Yes, it really was it just flows out because I’m open to it</p><p class="MsoNormal">Why take so much time to write so much with a book unfinished?</p><p class="MsoNormal">Lavinia: I do not want the book to get too bog down or distracted by this stuff. Whilst even with the book I have most of the direction by now. I just wasn’t completely ready to delve into it despite protestations. </p><p class="MsoNormal">….and unfinished?</p><p class="MsoNormal">Lavinia: it allows the reader to see my state of mind. What I observe…what I leave behind…for me it is the bravery? Courage? The strength to be as I am with no pretense!</p><p class="MsoNormal">…and that is important to you is….why so?</p><p class="MsoNormal">Lavinia: because abuse lies!</p><p class="MsoNormal">Ok we’ll be back with Lavinia later….Lavinia publish will you…ta!</p><p class="MsoNormal">Welcome back to this Q&amp;A session with Artist Poet Owner and Founder of Natural Flowism Ltd Lavinia De Ayr! </p><p class="MsoNormal">Should you have Published your own Private Works?</p><p class="MsoNormal">Lavinia: Umm…for me…I was in a fix…this wasn’t just about being followed down the road. This was or at least felt like a second time around stalkers campaign…</p><p class="MsoNormal">…or was it…considering…do you not think by now somebody else had surfaced who unbeknowest to you may have been botheration to you all along?</p><p class="MsoNormal">Lavinia: I do wonder that now. I also wonder why I would yet again have to be and feel abused as a result? And in fact by last night…</p><p class="MsoNormal">…the third of October twenty -  twenty one…</p><p class="MsoNormal">Lavinia:  …I had come to the conclusion that all this surround sound so to speak has everything to do with the original stalker. The level of possessiveness. Once it gets to the stage where a stalker gains enough access to their target that they can organize everyone’s conversation around them…and worst of all almost control things to the point….if true of course….but if a stalker is so dangerous and many of them are that they can energetically manipulate negative energy toward two people deliberately pitting them against each other…</p><p class="MsoNormal">…is this referring to the Friday argument? What do think the significance of segmented fruit is?</p><p class="MsoNormal">Lavinia: yeah….mmm….i used to find it really strange when it was really intense that almost every Friday there was something done to affect energy that would bring about an argument of some sort. But, for some reason I also knew it was all very suspicious….</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">…in what years that particular antic so intense do you remember when?</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">Lavinia: ….during 2009 toward about 2012ish. But once I began to realise what was being done I tried my best to abate any conflict. What I still hadn’t learnt was enough about energy being deliberately being projected in toward you or about beíng used or more likely abused as a gauge or barometer of sorts!</p><p class="MsoNormal">Hmmmm…segmented fruit?</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">Lavinia:…mmmm….the only thing I have been thinking about recently is….if you look at a company through a “pie” chart. If you analyze each segment and find that the area  of employment shown in the “pie” chart is the smallest…the thinniest slice does that signify exploitation of a work force? Which nay result in Poorly performing work force?  Does it signify an abusive/sick minded leader? Or does it signify a lack of experience and know how in leadership? Or poor quality produce or in other  areas of a business or even a country as a whole?</p><p class="MsoNormal">So…from what you are asking I dare to presume is how clear is the evidence of abuse and human rights issues in the face of possible abuse? How much ready evidence is being ignored?</p><p class="MsoNormal">When we come back Lavinia will answer more questions about decision to publish her private works!</p><p class="MsoNormal">Welcome Back!</p><p class="MsoNormal">Lavinia, lets talk about how you feel about the reaction to your work…do you think or know about the feedback from others? How has it been since turning yourself into a self – publishing author and editor?</p><p class="MsoNormal">Lavinia: ….Hmmm….its has been strenuous to say the least. My Attention Deficit Disorder has surfaced that’s for sure. Yet, overall, the experience has been cathartic…I wouldn’t be without it.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Hmmmm….</p><p class="MsoNormal">Lavinia: I think more recently another wave of reaction has been stirred with further abusive and more over queries. What looks like some very abusive characters with little decorum about them. </p><p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">Ooops! Your writings ended yesterday with diary entries as you caught up on weeks gone by.  What was your study behind those works?</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">Lavinia: ummm….there has a change in the “tone” so to speak of what has been going on.</p><p class="MsoNormal">As the artist and poet what are you finding in that “tone” so to speak especially as a writer of ‘abuse in a family context’ and of ‘stalking’ does your choice of subject affect the reaction toward you? What do you think?</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">Lavinia: right out the gate a big Yes! Subject choice is a major factor in how you will be received! Think about it….there will never be a right time or thing to say when it comes to a stalker or an abuser in your family often the two overlap. So, how popular can you become. You can’t and will never be loved or popular if you are from a family of abusers who cannot get well soon or get better full stop! Spite is one of the longest running forms of abuse from either side. I am still struggling with myself on a moment to moment basis whilst under attack not to react or retaliate in spite even whilst being “spited”.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Have relationships been affected or destroyed out right?</p><p class="MsoNormal">Lavinia: trust me I don’t even want to go there because nothing is pure! </p><p class="MsoNormal">What on earth do you mean by that?</p><p class="MsoNormal">Lavinia: All I can say is:  in any abusive or conflict situation every human is better off learning the difference between a pure and true loving bond and trauma bonding?</p><p class="MsoNormal">Oh…I get it. So it is to grow in the awareness to know when you are forming a bond with someone of your own choice rather with someone due to an enforced situation. So try and get to know yourself better and choose rather than presume?</p><p class="MsoNormal">Lavinia: Yes. That is what I meant by nothing is pure!</p><p class="MsoNormal">Thank you for staying with us. We will regroup and return at a later point in time!</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language:EN-US"><p> </p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><!--StartFragment-->                                                                                                             <!--EndFragment--></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><p> </p> <!--EndFragment--></div>
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<h2 class="heading-secondary heading-blog alt-font">
  <a href="/blog-house/blog/6765058/they-wait-to-see-if-you-knew">...they wait to see if you knew</a>&nbsp;
</h2>

<div class="post">
  <div class="message">The whole village remixed and regrouped...<div>
<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal">Just sat there planning her revenge all these years long</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">From Scottish Airports to Earls Court? He played his lip like three two one two three</p>
<p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">No code language, thank you</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I laid on my bed and heard a voice shout out the “det”</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">From South Africa to Tangerines</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">From New York it seems to the back of Hackney</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">From the Scottish Hills to my books unfinished</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">From mess to progress</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">From the sickening of the overt</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">To clairaudient talk of Canary Wharf and Docklands</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Who can tell which or what manifestation has come</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">And I am still not ready yet to bring the conclusion</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Though I know the direction of stalker is still back with the layers which were originally laid!</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">As one Father comes to terms with hiding from his son as he is opened to what he had become </p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Dear I dare to think of anything else much disturbed by thought as I am!</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Encroachment instead of encouragement</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Years ago few would know what to do when so many adored flirted and was moved by the sounds of their voices as no crowd could be controlled</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"></p>
<p> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">There in a belief system was inbred and an illness left which would go on to cost so many of us so many</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">It became so inbred it fed itself into authority that has a right to know about you because of what and the way they sang. </p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">An innocent way of life to support admire and continually invest in someone’s Art  only trouble is they are not all like that!</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">From Colnebrook to home in the East End sounds like the same voices are around again in that distinctive high laughter</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">As they aim to please as much displeasure</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Oh just get on with it!</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">They think aloud</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">As they curse me the control they believe they have</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Though I never checked with them</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Like most people affected by nosey people and stalker I have been far to busy getting on with my own life and minding my own business whilst they busy themselves by what controls them. </p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">As they wait for the next move you make</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">As they wait maybe to help</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">As they wait to tell you about their own hell</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">As they wait to tell you of the duplicate abuse</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">As they wait</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">As they wait</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">As they wait?</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">You go about your day</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">They wait</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Like the anonymity of a rock stars family?</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Then after they wait they explain</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Some of us decided to Stalk your stalker back after them trying to swindle and get at us!</p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"></p>
<p> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"></p>
<p> </p> <!--EndFragment-->
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  <div class="message"><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>NOSEY  PREDICTIONS ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE</div><div>What is in the power of nosiness?</div><div>What is it really?</div><div>How many of us actually recognize nosiness as  being a big part of being or trying to be controlling  toward others, and is that recognition the key to getting over it as a socially named problem? </div><div>Is it really just about somebody being a nuisance or is there a deep rooted clinical problem?</div><div>The  bravado from which nosey people operate is dumbfounding when considering nothing is their business but their own business!</div><div>So why is it nosey people can force some people to be altered mentally emotionally and in any other way possible?</div><div>No boundaries?</div><div>I remember listening to someone many years ago now, thankfully who was quite entertained by all the excuses they had used to gain access into their neighbours houses!</div><div>Its beyond cringe worthy now when I think back on the years I was a curtain twitcher. Someone desperate to escape the abuse, poverty, lost and filled with a fear of never finding success and remain trapped behind that curtain where I never wanted to be in the first place. The minute I was distracted long enough else where I was gone from behind that damned God forsaken curtain and all its awful representations of feeling so trapped hated and bated by those who only ever knew you as someone stuck behind that bloody ugly fucking curtain! Not as somebody bright full of life ambition inspiration hopes dreams, and ability to be more than any stuck or negative or abused people can deem you to be!</div><div>“Let me out they squeal” or so it used to feel to me!</div><div>Never been so glad for the days of not being stuck behind the curtain no more. But with the advent of social media all our research can be done without any intrusion can’t it. Apart from if you find yourself trying to please a very dirty mogul boss who demands you search the country inside out to find the latest idea? Invention? For his or her express exploitation?</div><div><br></div><div> </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Your Life will never be about needing to be nosey, or violent, or cruel, or controlling to somebody else. </div><div>But you dis-ease, illness, and disorder will be!</div><div> Likewise there is no point in telling anybody “we've told them or warned them to stop their behaviours or cruel treatment towards others” especially after 3 to 4 warnings without adequately assessing those individuals for incurable health damages first?</div><div><br></div><div>A Stalker iNbetween Love</div><div>^</div><div>I had known her: he explained </div><div>But yet it was hard to explain it as love</div><div>Yet when he saw her in potential danger....</div><div>In the presence of a man who would go on to hurt her</div><div>All he could he do was warn him about the significance of the shirt he was wearing</div><div>What good can it do you if someone who claims the are acting or serving from a place of love who never see fit to tell you the truth?</div><div>To feel an overwhelming sensation of love But to never know which man it came from</div><div>To feel you know someone has always cared but could never step out of their own space because of unbridled fear as if ths truth is stooping to low</div><div>To keep you protected without you knowing who why or what it is you are being protected from?</div><div>Has a stalker come between love?</div><div>What would this look like if the script was flipped?</div><div>Stalker iNbetween Love?</div><div>It pierced my heart the title stalker in between love</div><div>To feel love in the absence and distain and rejection when nothing around you is safety but a long running comedy of questioners watching you as they get nosier braver and mislead into a feeling of entitlement which unbeknownst to them is divorcing them from thenselves!</div><div><br></div><div><br></div></div>
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    <p class="post-info"><span data-time="2021-10-03T19:37:00+01:00" title="03 October, 2021 19:37">03/10/2021</span></p>

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  <a href="/blog-house/blog/6751838/miracles-or-not">Miracles or Not? </a>&nbsp;
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  <div class="message"><div>Your stalker is not just your stalker</div><div>I do believe I have inherited those that stalk other people sadly just as other people have probably inherited mine</div><div>That is not the way I want life to be at all!</div><div>Which is why I keep writing in increments my feelings thoughts and if any, new personal takes and findings on my ongoing experiences through the ongoing problem.</div><div>Its a very concerning way to live or feel you have to do things. I believe in myself and what i am trying to achieve. But it is concerning if you dare question how you might be seen in the eyes of others. In fact I don't bother and thankfully have gotten to the stage where I don't feel like I care anymore and that is not out of the intention of wickedness or with the intention to be cruel to anybody!</div><div>The Strength needed to fight and find Justice!</div><div>Just don't feel like I have it probably maybe I may have never needed despite all that has gone on!</div><div>Where do I trust?</div><div>What do I trust?</div><div>Who do I trust is not worth asking because the answer is no one!</div><div>Who is well enough produce a better result?</div><div>Seen as someone to continually target by those who have no gauge care recognition or perception of how what they set up would make someone who has done nothing more than cope and survive what has been thrown at them feel. The contradiction in my mind is to loathe the day I will need to pay into a system which currently supports those who want to see people pay cost for their behaviours! Behaviours they cannot stop suffering from or those they deliberately for cruelty sake continually use to control to abuse someone in power. Or to empower their own cruel wicked abusive ways.</div><div>In live make sure you have seen everything like it</div><div>Then you wont fall for the first unusual person you have seen</div><div>Here's a tale</div><div>Back in the day when immigration was in session she fell for him</div><div>She'd never seen anything like him</div><div>She curled her either side straightened the back and wore it straight down</div><div>She took care of the house he went out</div><div>She got beaten up when he got back and lived and loved with that because trauma was not known to be that back then!</div><div>But they always had a ready to entertain clean house!</div><div>An interracial hell made into like a happy haven!</div><div>Question is: does abuse stop....no that’s not it....hmmmm......hmmmm.......does crime......nah....let me think about how to rephrase this...what is the concoction that makes abuse stop if person in authority are in some way connected to a person who needs to report abuse or a crime or intended crime? I read some years ago the spouses of authority had been often disregarded if they dared to report being abused by personnel of high standing or otherwise in authority? If true and it no doubt is....how did the crime or abuse lessen? I want to know the ingredients of the potion that automatically wiped away the abuse or crime and made all the bruises and going psychological damage automatically disappear? Which miracle is it?</div><div>So...last year 02/2020 I finally caught trespassers on camera in my home <a href="https://youtu.be/mWPAF7Tz8PQ">Tresspass Intrusion in Progress </a>
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<a href="https://youtu.be/mWPAF7Tz8PQ">Tresspass/Intrusion in Progress on 23/02/20/23:23</a><br>
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</div><div>Days later local officers attended my messy home after I attended my local station. Now i don’t know that is connected. The culmination of which I was told “that’s you!”  ok so chin out it was more than a bite to deal with. But I just got on with it. I share many of my self healing journals of art poetry online in books I mentioned experience. Done, I’m happy to move on. Fast forward over a year later and I’m here “that’s you" frequently as it is part of colloquial Scottish  dialectic for want of a better way of putting things. Which often refers to something being done, finished, or over with? I leave a question mark because I’m sure there is a  better explanation.</div><div>^</div><div>If someone accuses you of Being someone you are not or doing something you didn't. Authorities have made provision for complaints. But do you know, well you don’t be because  this is a  blog but then again depending on who reads this maybe you do. I felt that to complain would lead me back to the trap set many years ago, when antics around me forced me into complain due to concern not only for my self. As Mother I was about 2 years into Motherhood before we were attacked by relationship gone bad and I will now say an ongoing campaign of stalking has continued. Can you imagine the effect it has on children forced to grow up being stalked? There is always worse cases out there but this is hard difficult and bad too. It is very natural for kids to rebel or so it is said. However, domestic abuses can sadly see children struggling to cope with the horrendous circumstances that occur become hardened toward the very problem or person you are trying to avoid. A lot of that is how weak abusers can make a person. Using all kinds of techniques to distract and disorient the person’s they are abusing toward their abusive persuasive will or intention. For not reason most times other than jealous manipulative cruelty.</div><div>^</div><div>When stalking or a stalker turned burglar can end up gaining so much access to your life despite your best efforts to stop or thwart them. You face constant criticism and complaints that whatever you say or do is tantamount to a complaint or telling off of others, when in fact it is the opposite. You are trying to get on with your life, and before someone suffering from the need to stalk despite their bravado that a stalker may not be able to see as such. You are trying to save lives not end them which is what happens when no one responds, or when no one responds properly. Having said that stalking can be incredibly complex to understand or deal with that may due to possible activity being varied therefore it may require more than one area of law to stop a stalker in their tracks or before they harm themselves or anyone else! But what happens when person's rich powerful or famous becomes sick or gets into the state of the need to stalk some who at the time maybe poorer that they living hand to mouth week by week, if that?  It is the most awful feeling to find you have someone who cannot see how to take back hold of their life from the obsession in their mind which might be due to some kind of malfunction in their brain which keeps their thoughts stuck or looping on this is you I need to restrict stop or control!</div><div>When I was in primary school SW6 I we learnt this game. Look at a person who has their back turned to you until they touch the place you would have been staring at! 1970’s. After the abuses I have faced especially  whilst driving I wonder how far long has that game come on and been developed?</div><div>
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</div>For those that may read this blog if know this is: </div><div>#LaviniaDeAyr</div><div>I am not a journalist or a member of the press!</div><div>I am a Self funded  Artist &amp; Self- Healer and share my personal journey in a autobiographic way through creative writing music and many other art forms!</div><div>I fund my life By working as a UK Lorry Driver when and where there is work available time permitting!</div><div>^</div><div>Unfortunately, recently since about 2018 I experienced an increase of abusive situation on the road. In the past week alone they were several more with one 3.5ton driver with non uk plates not driving by as usual seemed to be try to extract or attract some kind of attention, why that is I do not know? For those that do see me out on road please behave without distraction which includes: bike riders trying to lean into vehicle. Leaning back off bikes. Flashing lights deliberately in a destructive or deliberately obstructive manner. This abuse has gone on so long there have been times when at my wits end I have just driven with lights on full beam which believe it or not saw most abusers cower down! I do not understand your protest?</div><div>If any!</div><div>^</div><div>I generally work for agencies who call the shots basically in every area of every booking. I can only go by what is said and what is offered as pay. At times when errors had been made I advised and returned monies immediately.</div><div>There is nothing more I can do than that but had just realised an area of misunderstanding which maybe being used as a reason to create retaliation?</div><div>^ </div><div>When I can I write to express and heal myself once I began doing so it allowed me a greater insight I feel into the experience of being stalked and also the way oyhers respond!</div><div>^</div><div>Preferred Contact:</div><div>DM @naturalflowism</div><div>^</div><div>Natural Flowism</div><div>^</div><div>A Freedom of Being!</div><div>^</div><div>
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</div>Lavinia De Ayr </div><div>
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</div>Also Lavinia De Ayr aged 56 just for those who keep getting me confused with someone else!</div></div>
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  <a href="/blog-house/blog/6744622/how-much-resources-do-stalkers-use">How much resources do stalkers use?</a>&nbsp;
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  <div class="message"><div>Truths and Falsehoods</div><div><br></div><div>It costs to stalk someone doesn't it?</div><div>Not that I need to ask</div><div>It just stands to reason that you need resources to do anything in life</div><div>Even if you find yourself down and out and homeless you still are using some kind of resource </div><div>Clothes</div><div>Cardboard box</div><div>Pavement street</div><div>Most of all your own human energy there is always something a human being has or needs from another human being whether we like to admit it to ourselves or anyone else or not!</div><div>Stalkers pay to stalk</div><div>Someone who feels compelled to turn up everyday around someone who may not even know them or had or has become so sickened by them they cannot even stand to havr them around, despite making it expressly clear they no longer want them in their lives but as a result the rejection triggered the other person into a psychotic level of needing to stay in that person’s life or remain in some kind of contact to that person which makes them pay in some way every day to annoy=stalk in some shape or form the person who turned them away!</div><div><br></div><div> </div><div>Regardless of the trigger is a stalker pays. They invest money time and their life's energy in trying to control something which no longer exists!</div><div><br></div><div>Stalkers always pay!</div><div><br></div><div>A stalker is also some one who has become so sick or has no brain function which will let them know they are so sick that they automatically are MISusing all resources available to them?</div><div><br></div><div>Either way a stalker pays!</div><div><br></div><div>A stalker will always make a misguided investment?</div><div><br></div><div>True or False?</div><div><br></div><div>A stalkers perception of what is worth it is scared, blinkered, flawed? </div><div>True or False?</div><div><br></div><div>Nothing a stalker decides to do adds up correctly?</div><div>True or False?</div><div><br></div><div>Always?</div><div><br></div><div>That is exactly what the illness leads to one way or the other whether that be time, money, or energy. It is also a debt forced upon who ever is being stalked as their energy can be forced to become misaligned their brain becomes de-activated by whosoever stalks them?</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>COARSE WORK part 1</div><div>A stalker is someone who could possibly be seen as someone who might automatically owes a debt owed to someone or everyone in society true or false? </div><div>^</div><div>Especially if found to be wilfully carrying out their antics especially if very rich and incredibly powerful and astute in how they continue to carry out what stalking activities they create and are doing? True or False?</div><div>^</div><div>For some reason or the other there was an intense presence of a...how should I put it...It really felt like someone’s very jealous needing to want to stir up jealously toward themselves? </div><div>It has been the most bizarre detail to witness, feel, deal with, dismiss or resolve!</div><div>^</div><div>Seeing drivers twisting and contorting their bodies whilst driving to either look up at vehicle mirrors, cameras, driver or to pass on telepathic messages through an exposed area of the neck! Which is bizarre enough especially if directed toward one who is clearly an expressionist who can communicate in a very direct manner what would the need be? Years of guilt? Years of using and abusing some who never had any clue that it was you? All this time? Even though everybody else knew it was you, all this time later?</div><div>^</div><div>Without a doubt some one like me would be seen as perfect fodder for anyone out to take advantage of anyone who shares so readily and so freely. Many people sick with the need to abuse often see freebies and as a way to get even more instead of Being grateful for what has already been gifted!</div><div>^</div><div>COARSE WORK part 2</div><div>To stalk someone in real life is a dangerous game if Only seen as a game?!</div><div>To stalk someone is a costly and dangerous way if Only seen as a game that needs to be played and not as a serious clinical condition that needs an ongoing large investment to tackle and successfully bring to recovery, treatment, justice, and closure?</div><div>What chance does someone have in life if they never knew until it was almost too late that all their parents did by following all the correct guidelines by sending them to nursery, to school  meant they were actually sending their child into the hands of life long predators that would go on to capitalize on that child’s life and every decision and move that child made in life in every shape or form? Because who was really able to properly be checking back in the day that each an every child or person was safe when so many were left so broken after war? </div><div>^</div><div>During the many years of my life a stalkers have affected it still took me many years later to consider possible motives. Suppose the man who stalked my late Mother home during the early hours of the 60's thought somehow her work at a hospital had somehow affected him and his family?</div><div>Suppose variation on a theme of faces that each family has wasn’t true and their were 9 wicked midwives who were having a laugh deciding to send all the babies born in that week home with the wrong parents and have a laugh about it there after? Which left people like me believing they had been born and grown up in the wrong family? Given that birth certificates are registered and written up way after the event of a birth possible or not impossible? To have birth certificate signed off by the wrong innocently unsuspecting parents? Considering back in the day some babies were handed straight to a midwife and whisked away to further care while mom got some much needed rest?</div><div> Whilst not wanting to cast dispersion on the profession it is some how now easy to see where it could all be so possible?</div><div>^</div><div>It’s a horrible and awfully illness to stalk someone despite how glamorous and funny it could be made too look. It can leave in its productivity and malfunction so many left trying to heal from so many lies, deceit, rage, anger, defiance disorders, spite, and slights! </div><div>But what is continuing to keep society constantly testing and putting people who are willing to speak out about the hell, cost, mental and emotional anguish, and adversity they are continually forced to live thought on a daily basis, what is it that is keeping society from attacking the messenger so to speak?</div><div>What would the cost of protesters, terrorist, or corruption look like if stalking was mentioned as being part of them all?</div><div>^</div><div>Natural Flowism</div><div>^</div><div>A Freedom of Being!</div><div>^</div><div><br></div></div>
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  <a href="/blog-house/blog/6740513/normalisation-fear-of-treatment">Normalisation = Fear of Treatment!</a>&nbsp;
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  <div class="message">I was not but 00:37 into my journey along the M25 just prior to A40 M40 turn offs when a white volvo jeep-ish looking car  possibly lingered a bit then drove passed me. <div>^</div><div>I had slept earlier and had just had a reset power nap. I was doing fine. My energy was not ungrounded! But by the time I noticed this car I began feeling weird. By the time the jeep sped off toward London bound turn off I realised my energy was being pregnated with a drowsy feeling again!</div><div>^</div><div>All that night for some reason almost every time I saw a 3.5ton van with a tail lift I almost fell asleep!</div><div>^</div><div>What started out as randomly finding intruders trespassing into my home now looks like 2 stalkers I was not aware I had!</div><div>Something unsettled me deeply. I took the risk and turned the camera on myself and made a short film called: As Though My Life Doesn't Matter!</div><div>^</div><div>A lorry with international plates passed me but I had long been suspicious the 2 stalkers that I caught on camera intruding into my home were possibly a UK based European lorry drivers?I just managed to catch sight of a very slim girl no longer driving artic but now in a 3.5ton but I could feel not only a gaze but as though a pin was being driven through my butt thro ugh everything inbetween toward my left thigh! Perverted it felt like.Out of shock pure shock I find my imagination jam packed with projective ideas to thwart this problem. Normally, that is not what I do. I never grew up with any exhaustive knowledge of the chakras or anything new age apart from learning about astrology...but with incidents of competitive anger any single drive now seems filled with deluded car driver and otherwise convinced there sending some kind message which generally unfathomable just like the recent trend of people driving past punching their mouths out,  ×what's that all about?</div><div>To be cont'd</div><div><br></div></div>
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<h2 class="heading-secondary heading-blog alt-font">
  <a href="/blog-house/blog/6739852/faces-in-the-crowd">Faces in the Crowd?</a>&nbsp;
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  <div class="message">I am so thankfully grateful and blessed to repent and surrender to the forgiveness purpose and power life is!<div>^</div><div>Is the pre 60's stalker back?</div><div>"</div><div>How many of our parents were stalked back in the day long before to stalk a person was properly recognised for what it is...parents who would have lived and died without ever realising the full effect of the danger they were potentially in, and the full extent that would have on generation after.generation? </div><div>^</div><div>For about 6 months clairaudiently or telepathically or whatever way you want to call it I have repetitively heard inside my ears "She's a nurse!" "She's a nurse!"</div><div>Well! Yes she was! My late Mother God Love and Bless her soul worked as a nurse. I distinctly remember mention of a man that used to follow her down the road in the early hours singing her name. Back then it sounded like an hilarious folk tale and tail!</div><div>^</div><div>Waking up to calls about further fraud attempts on my account, something went off in my head which triggered a series of thoughts!</div><div>^</div><div>I dare to include my thoughtfilled findings as the following: suppose a stalker goes on to become a killer intentionally or otherwise? (whisked off never to be seen again does not mean a successful audition!) Did that pre-70's stalker stop or carry on attacking us all as a family without any of us ever knowing how to understand why the root of ongoing problems had occurred?</div><div>^</div><div>Recently, for the purpose of my own self healing I decided to make a distinction in my own mind about how and why my feeling thoughts and memory were or had becoming unwilling attached to certain people or the memory of them. It can be an incredibly painful exercise all around. But it can also help with detachment/feelings of abandment/re-alignment of self to attract who you really want in an all round healthy way. </div><div><br></div><div>If a distinction can be made between who you essentially had to mix with like: people who were your parents people. People you had to go to school with live or work with it may help you make better relationship based on who you truly are rather than power other than yourself.</div><div>^</div><div> In really positive cases your parents friends school work church can all be really great jumping off points for life long mutually faithful loyal friendships or even relationships. But what happens when that is not the case because unbeknownst to you a stalker has been winding you up and grinding you down since the first year you were able to put your feet on the ground or first moved to a new country and it takes you 55 + years to ask who really had the influence over your life?</div><div>^</div><div>People you thought were your parents friends or friends of the family who turned out to predators secretly preying on all you had it have as you try to come to terms with and manage possible areas of brain damage, spiritual and emotional strain and damage? Untold things and negative effects and other damages if let's just someone had not been allowed to continue to develop a very unhealthy potentionally dangerous very long term "interest" in somebody else.</div><div>^</div><div>There are many cases where by a stalker just moves on. Thankfully!</div><div>But in some cases where a stalker moves on it is worth asking into what variant and has that variant been passed through the generation of that person's family, friends, and community?</div><div>^</div><div>Faces in Crowd?</div><div>It's one thing to board ship</div><div>Take up on opportunity in far flung region to where you would normally be...But in the grander scheme thinking about what triggered this blog into being it occurred to me that an opportunity to live in new found land does not always change a person's behaviour. Whilst brutal experiences of what is socially not clinically but socially or politically  termed as racial violence came out of silence making it into media books need and film. Thinking of my own experience as a survivor of childhood incest rape. How many unheard rape experiences have there been and would that trigger one family to stalk another?</div><div>^</div><div>The confusion is beyond painful believe you me. The possible level of power that may hold all the answers feels more than just burdensome! To never know which can mean generations of abusive relationships, enforced addictions and crime, whilst we are responsible for how we respond some account has to be taken when innocents are born into years duress due to things never been truthfully told and important information beung withheld or the importance of which never truly known? But at the end of the day the truth is stalkers are more than likely to be obsessed with control and for young couples back in the day and even today striving to get ahead and maintain mortgages and leave something valuable behind for their children with a stalker in tow means everything they are trying could possibly if allowed to be may be under some kind of attempted threat due to the illness of one that may have affected or controlled many others?</div><div>^</div><div>Natural Flowism </div><div>^</div><div>A Freedom of Being! </div><div>^</div><div> </div><div><br></div></div>
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  <a href="/blog-house/blog/6721128/inbetween-fanaticism-dry-stale-list-of-insecurities-and-course-typical-same-old-questions">iNbetween Fanaticism-Dry Stale List of insecurities and Course typical same old Questions!</a>&nbsp;
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  <div class="message"><div>A lot of people are going out looking for love without clinical or  medical training then finding they are married to a person’s too far gone illness which they are ill prepared for and incapable of treating kindly, well, or compassionately!</div><div>^</div><div>Vice Versa</div><div>Man sees woman unattached he starts weighing up his options instead of learning who she is? Where she is really at in her life? What and who she really wants out of life or in her life? What her true intentions are? Most important who is she genuinely and truthfully emotionally attached too and what she is emotionally attached too? And what new emotional attachments is she willing to accept?</div><div>^</div><div>He still loves and adores an occasional girlfriend he met years ago, it’s over but they still speak everyday and her husband is cool with that? He reminisces all the time about their time together: is he homesick? Feeling very insecure and inadequate and underappreciated  with the person he is in an intimate relationship with now? Or is he just stirring his own shit? Because he derives a sick pleasure from it? Or is he displaying hidden reactions and feelings which betray the possibilities of him feeling he was manipulated-sleighted-belittled-pressured-taken for granted-bossed around-forced and coerced into a relationship and then marriage and then kids without his express permission?</div><div>What on earth crumbled his boundaries in the first place?</div><div>^</div><div>Its tiresome my love But seriously I can’t be with you anymore! </div><div>Mysteriously man just can’t leave! Just can't get out of the house/family home or property door, and can no longer live unhindered or unattached from who and what he no longer chooses, why?</div><div>^</div><div>He can never leave!</div><div>He has no more choice!</div><div>Was he stalked into the marriage?</div><div>Or is man still under the influence of all his abusers behaviours?</div><div>Is he expected to be so conditioned that he is expected to accept such restrictive inhibiting behaviours as traditionally normal marriage behaviours?</div><div>Or is holding a person against their will supposed to be automatically acceptable when it comes to old time traditions or truths of marriage or just in relationships per say?</div><div>^</div><div>What is the best way...for the GOOD of all concerned..to get someone to take responsibility for themselves and others?</div><div>^</div><div>Is it to assume they automatically have  the capacity?</div><div>^</div><div>Or is it each of our individual responsibility to learn our own capacity and capabilities for each scenario we choose or each scenario which we do not choose but that comes up for us anyway  in our lives. Is it each well persons responsibility to learn and grow the capacity and resources to be able to deal with all the possible consequences for  each moment we are alive?</div><div>Who is responsible for those not well enough? Where do we look to find out who does and who does have the capacity to take responsibility for themselves and others?</div><div>^</div><div>Its a Sleepy Sunday I put on soft wool and eat cold ice cream yes cold ice cream...its a bit of a chuckle chuckle but it is because  I miss him!</div><div>^</div><div>Something about life recently seems so one upping insensitive evil even competitive to the ugliest of extremes. Life just has not been feeling like our love any more, which always included everything. We always made space for everything about each other but it just felt gone. Yet I visualized us all day long his head buried in my chest . Envisaged him never wanting to.leave me nor I him. I hate to miss him. I like to live with trust knowing he’ll come back and we will continue but not from where we left off because of course those moments are gone !</div><div>^.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div></div>
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